Recently I found myself discouraged. I have a horse in my herd that’s been increasingly sick since I rescued her 18 months ago. She’s recently had treatment for a few issues, but the recovery process has been slow and indirect. On a day she seemed to regress significantly, I began with those few niggling questions (should I have taken her on? After all this will she really die?) and then allowed a landslide to build that ended asking: will I always be surrounded by broken and wounded things the rest of my life?

Sounds a bit dramatic I suppose looking back.

And yet as I reflect on this cycle of emotion, I see the crack in my “all is well and God is good” exterior that began with a sick horse having a bad day revealed some deeper things I think God wanted to reveal in me. 

I just finished a great book by Jamie Winship “Living Fearless” where he describes the process of identity exchange and why it’s so valuable. Winship is a champion for naked honesty with the creator and going beneath the surface emotions to find out why. 

Why am I sad? Why am I angry? What am I believing that has me so afraid?

Inspired by this reminder I took these feelings of discouragement and dropped them at the throne: 

Father, I feel overwhelmed and discouraged. 

About what?

I’m surrounded by broken things! [I gave him a list off the top of my head of the broken things around me]

Ok, so why are you so discouraged? What do you fear?

As I considered it came to me: I think I’ll always be surrounded by broken things and my life will be defined by brokenness, and nothing will ever change.

I understand. Do you want to know how I see it?

Yes. Please.

Do you remember how I have called you to build?

Yes.

Do you remember that I have spoken to you about RESTORING, and about REBUILDING and REPAIRING?

Yes.

How can you repair or rebuild if you have nothing broken around you?

Oh.

You have been looking around at the broken things and wanting someone else to fix them. Either you want me to zap them into shape miraculously, or you want me to send someone to look around and fix things, or even to bestow a cash flow so you can simply hire that out.

Well. Yes actually, what’s wrong with that?

Nothing. Except you are called to repair and restore- so you have all these wonderful opportunities to start repairing and restoring everywhere around you, to create beauty from ashes, and walk in the blessings of Isaiah 58, and instead of living out that identity and calling, you keep asking me to quit sending you things that allow you to walk in your gifts. If you have a calling to rebuild and restore, you are going to have to understand that broken things are going to show up. 

I feel like I don’t know how to rebuild the things at my house that need attention, and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job restoring this little horse back to health. I feel unqualified and a little overwhelmed with it all.

That’s ok. Everyone is unqualified on their own you know. I will help you. This is an important conversation we are having. You are going to need my vision to see what is around you, you see brokenness and I see opportunity. When you begin to walk more fully in this more and more and more broken things will find their way to you. You will need my vision even more then because it would overtake you if you couldn’t see what I have sent to you and what is not yours to restore.

Wow. I am starting to understand. Can we talk about Isaiah 58?

“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.”

Isaiah 58:11-12 ESV

And so I began to shift from desolate and discouraged to curious and thoughtful. I still have a sick horse and lots of things around me that feel in chaos or various states of broken but I started to see it from fresh eyes.

Then this morning as I was journaling some thoughts and questions I realized that God spoke to my heart about building, but today I realized it wasn’t just building. It was REBUILDING. It was starting with ruins and making them into something new. This process of RESTORATION is unique. Maybe some builders are called to start with “nothing” and create from “scratch” or to do “new construction” but God spoke so gently to me that if I look more closely at this life verse I’ve carried for at least a year now, REPAIR and RESTORE and REBUILDING is a different take on building. It is about healing and bringing back something that has had the life drain out, been wounded, or gone through trauma. It is a different skillset actually than one who does new construction.

These words came to me:

REPURPOSE

RESTORE

REBUILD

REDSICOVER

RENOVATE

REGENERATE

REPAIR

Each has a beautiful sense of bringing new life. What a wonderful calling to walk in. As I wrote I heard another layer: 

Do this every day.

Instead of being overwhelmed by the amount of need around me, find as many places to walk out my identity each day even with one small action. Change out the lawnmower batter (repair), give Hope her morning medicines (restore to health), stop to chat with an old friend at the grocery store (rediscover). 

There are so many more!

REUNION (I just did this last weekend with my family)

RECONNECT (send a card in the mail to encourage someone)

REHABILITATE (what I can do with horses)

REVIVE (this is pretty limitless)

REINVESTIGATE (I do this all the time as I dig deeper into God’s word)

REORGANIZE (laundry!)

REORCHESTRATE (I do this when a client wants a song I don’t already have)

Instead of looking around and wondering when I will see restoration, I begin to walk from the place of being one who restores, and walking in the purpose for my life. Instead of being overwhelmed wondering how I will survive beneath the weight of brokenness, I see that living in my calling brings energy and life and is not exhausting but life and energy giving. Instead of seeing broken things as a curse I appear to be living under, I see God’s kindness in offering me a plethora of variety for playing in the great sandbox of my skillset and learning new tools to expand my abilities. From horses, to hot water heaters to lawnmowers.

In just a few days of being willing to face what was deeply troubling to me (instead of push it down farther), in taking my heartfelt fears and grief to the creator, he actually turned mourning into joy. The very thing that had me discouraged and ready to quit became gifts of love and life around me. And also a way forward when I had been feeling very stuck recently.

I am astounded and the goodness.

So today I ask you:

Do you know what purpose you are called to walk in? 

Is it possible one of your greatest frustrations is centered in this calling?

Do you see opportunities each day to walk out this calling and make it alive in your own life?

Now about that miraculous healing of this little horse……