Meditation on selected passages from Jeremiah 17

Last night I returned home from an extended work day to find one of my horses in distress. It was not the horse who is compromised (Hope) and needs special care, it was my hearty mustang mare Wyoming, who we’ve teased you couldn’t kill with a hand grenade. Her mixed natural genetics tend to mean she is healthy and solid built for the wild. The weather this week has been unusually mild and even my little compromised mare has been without a blanket in the daytime. We expected a temperature drop and some snow overnight so I’d gone out to add a blanket for the rescue and toss hay for the herd. Wyoming my wild one was hanging unusually close as I blanketed Hope and I heard a cough or two that roused my attention. 

Wyoming has coughed intermittently in the past year or so. I have paid attention, but it hasn’t been regular enough for me to address directly. It began when I had to keep them more often in barn stalls last year, and I thought it might have been the effect of a dirt floor and incredibly dusty barn- which also stored my hay and that too was dusty. Not ideal. Nothing on this planet it seems ever is. 

When I’d release the horses back outside after being enclosed in the barn, Wyoming would clear the barn exit, and then take off into the field at a run, and when she stopped she’d usually cough once or twice, and then it would be over.

Last November, the little herd relocated to my own property and are now outside 24/7, an occasional cough here and there wasn’t a huge concern, though I had noticed. I hoped the fresh air and a new location might be enough for her system to clear up in time. When she coughed last night a couple times I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t offer her a blanket too, maybe she was a little compromised herself in her health and maybe she was asking for a blanket as she lingered around while I put one on Hope? However, as I further assessed the situation, I noticed she was not just coughing, she was troubled. Her cough would rack her whole body and she would groan as well. She would put her head down and open her mouth wide, twisting her tongue in what I realized was most likely an effort to clear something that had gotten stuck. My best guess is that she was having a choke episode. Then I wondered how long this had been going on for.

Horses cannot regurgitate so if something gets stuck in their esophagus the obstruction must continue on the digestive tract. In serious cases of choke, they need veterinary intervention or they can die. Even in a choke episode that resolves itself, occasionally complications arise if the blockage diverts through the lungs and back out the nose (I have seen this before) but I did not see any evidence of this with Wyoming. Most of the time horses can resolve mild choke on their own. 

Last night I felt around Wyoming’s neck and tried to massage and see if I could help any hay clump that could have gotten stuck to break up and keep moving. She seemed to appreciate my intention to help her feel better but I wasn’t sure if it was doing any good. I left briefly to bring her a bucket of water which would have also helped if she would drink, and by the time I came back she seemed to have gotten sorted out. No more cough, no more distress apparent, she began eating and didn’t seem to have any more trouble.

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This morning, I’m happy to report she is very much alive, and sassy as ever, however, I took some time to process how this scene played out in my heart. 

Right now I have a churned up muddy mess on my property and it seems on the surface like a worst nightmare scenario of what I had feared would come with this move. For months I have seen the devastation around the horse herd and cried to God that it was a tragedy and what will we do? Then I came to my senses, stopped crying, and became curious. I began to ask for vision instead of a solution. I saw instead of a muddy mess, a field that was being prepared for a harvest. I envisioned what seeds of faith could be coming to grow out of the prepared ground. It began to bring joy instead of frustration. The only thing that changed was I felt God had spoken into the circumstances and given me a wider insight.

When I didn’t know what was wrong with Wyoming, I did what I am best at. I took the scene all the way through all possible outcomes to the question of “How hard is the ground right now at the end of January, and will I be able to get a hole dug for her this week if I need to?”

It’s just the plain facts. One option is she dies. That being said, I did not panic, and I did not really think that was a likely outcome- it’s just the way my mind works. I seem to quickly calculate all potential outcomes, their likelihood in my own experience, and what my options are as I move forward— like a matrix with potential choices and where they go… in about 3.5 seconds I’d gotten to the hole in the ground as well as outcomes such as: she’ll be fine, and along the way who to call for advice or possible late night help from a neighbor with a dose of banamine, sitting with her through the snowy dark night doing something to help her come right, to who might be the best person to dig the hole… there were multiple likely scenarios that crossed my calculations.

In that same 3.5 seconds (ok it might have been half a minute), these things also came through the spinning brain waves: 

Father in heaven, take care of Wyoming please, she needs help.

And also…

Father, don’t let this horse die and bring shame on us. I know for sure that you led us here to a place that does not seem ideal for many reasons that a human could see clearly, and yet no matter where I looked or what I tried the road kept leading us here. I know you are here with us, and for some reason you want us here for now. I am trusting you to take these very imperfect circumstances and protect me and this herd and against what it might seem to a casual observer poor judgement… that my obedience to follow you into the muddy mess will not result in catastrophe, but in your glory…. And I just am not seeing how my heartiest horse dying tonight helps bring about your glory in this odd situation I’ve come to with you. This thing was unquestionably your idea, and if this horse dies it is not going to look like it was a good place for her… living in this mud and limited space and all the things you and I have discussed that I don’t really agree with on principle. So dear Jesus I’m asking you spare me from the shame of bringing my horses home only to die in my front yard, ok?

In reflection I found it really interesting that conversation was what came up. It is like when you come to a pivotal moment— I wonder how often we may be surprised by what comes to us? Even though it did not take long to figure out this horse was probably going to be fine (Thank you God for answering both those prayers), and yet there I was asking God not to bring shame on me, on us (I mean we’re in this together!) and today I wondered what exactly was that about?

Without much of a reading plan this morning I flipped what seemed randomly to Jeremiah 17:

(8) [She] is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.

(10) I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every oner according to their ways, according to the fruit of their deeds.

(17) Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. Be not a terror to me; you are my refuge in the day of disaster. 

(18) Let those be put to shame who persecute me, but let me not be put to shame; let them be dismayed, but let me not be dismayed; bring upon them the day of disaster; destroy them with double destruction!“

Jeremiah 17

I reflected on these verses in my journal today. This is some of what I wrote:

Those who trust in the Lord will not be put to shame. We all reap a harvest of what we sow. Those who lean on their own flesh to support and protect themselves will also reap a harvest because the Lord knows the heart and tests each one and he is just to reward according to his complete access to our hearts. 

The ground around me is being prepared for a planting. When we start with naked ground and seeds it is hard to tell what will come. Certainly seeds do not all look exactly the same, but they look much more similar as seeds than grown plants do. In the early stages of planting it is not clear from one field to the next what will come up. Even when green chutes begin to press through the ground, it is hard to tell what they will be upon maturing.

I want to sow a field of trust in God for what he is going to bring out of the ground. I want to take the seeds God is handing me and throw them into the ground without having to know what they are in advance. I want to be a woman who sows those seeds and knows with confidence that in the appointed time (Kairos) the harvest will come! I’ve had to trust him this far and the prepared ground that looks a whole lot like a big mess to me is a step of faith to believe him when he tells me “Don’t you worry, this is going to be great! You’re going to love it when it takes shape!” 

Father, those who have blessed me as I try to walk this faith journey out – as limited as I am with human weakness – those who have poured into my life, who have helped me prepare the ground, who have supported and encouraged me, who have been patient with me and have come and engaged in this walk alongside me for sections in action or prayer, or both, Father I ask you to reward them greatly with favor and blessing one hundred times over what they’ve given to me. Those who have persecuted me in any way or laid out rocks for me to stumble over, I trust you to search their hearts and do justly as your word promises. I hand them over to you and I know that we all will harvest in time what comes out of the ground. You do all things well.

You, oh Lord, test hearts and minds. I ask you to help me; I ask that when you test my heart it will come out pure as gold and strong as diamond because of your hand, your mercy, your righteousness, and your grace. Help me build my life on trusting you in all circumstances and be like the tree planted by living water who bears fruit even in the dry seasons because my roots run deep into your streams. 

May this be the story of my life Lord. Through the power and strength of Jesus. Amen.