The seasons are changing here in the mountains of Virginia, and as I settle in for the last portion of the year that brings fall and the start of winter, I notice a new season in my life as well.

Oddly enough as I consider where I am, I feel different than I would have thought. This year has brought to fruition a few things that I had been waiting for in hope, significant things that meant the waiting seasons had been challenging and just treading water through them often felt exhausting. Now I stand looking at some of the fruit of trusting God and believing for his story to reveal the good He promised. The biggest plot line thread of the story includes waiting in my little castle ruins of a home because I believed that God would bring me a prince that would be worthy of my love and my heart. 

As unlikely as this seemed because I live at the end of nowhere in one of the least populated counties in the state, and don’t find myself in many places to get out and meet new people- this story unfolded very much like I had felt in my heart it would. I felt God reassure me, he was going to bring this prince right to my doorstep and I would not need to do much to see this miracle come to pass. Patience and trust was all that was required. He did not really give me a timeline although even that as I look back was not completely left without clues.

Last fall, someone who had snuck in right under my nose so to speak did exactly that. He had been hired at the music center I work for a couple years previous, only the youth music program director (me) had very little overlap with the facilities manager (him), and though we each knew who the other was, we didn’t interact very much. Until exactly the right time when I needed some help with a fun project for students to learn about the historic grounds of the music center, and we began to work together. The timing proved excellent because I was in the middle of a messy transition with no where to move my small horse herd. God was putting me in a sort of peril I needed rescue from, and this guy who is excellent with property projects was the perfect person to swoop in and save the day by helping me prepare my small parcel of land for the arrival of my horses.

As we worked together we talked and found a fast friendship and attraction and even more bewildering we found kindred spirits who were seeking after God in our lives. Also, in this small community in the end of nowhere, we found in each other, people who had traveled the world, experienced many diverse cultures, and lived in a handful of different places. These are less common life experiences here and the amount of things that overlapped and fit together well was compelling. 

The prince showed up at my doorstep with tools and plans and materials, and we worked the land to bring the horses home- another dream of mine I did not think was achievable. We fell in love, and in the end it was pretty line by line just as I felt the message came to my heart from God: wait on me, and I will bring you a handsome prince who will come right to you and help you in the rebuild of a life.

It’s amazing when I ponder it.

Less than a year later we are married, and combining our lives into one life here on the same property. However in that time we’ve also suffered some trauma including broken bones with multiple surgeries, very long healing seasons, lymes disease, Covid, lingering pain, and a couple of dogs who are not seamlessly turning into a family pack as we expect them to (emergency vet visits for stitches is not the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon…) that have brought us a decent share of challenges. If I had been expecting a fairy tale complete with unicorns, instead it’s been a mixed bag of stunning blessings and immense challenges. 

We seem to be coming to a shift as fall descends where there is some kind of normalcy threatening to settle in, and we are learning how to find new patterns even though the challenges have made that process more difficult that we had anticipated. 

In truth, I don’t feel very settled in all of this. I feel like I should be basking in the glory of God’s promises, I should be rejoicing in all the good he has done for us… but the truth is I feel unstable and strangely hollow at times. For the first time I begin to relate to the author of Ecclesiastes who laments that in great blessing or great struggle… all is vanity and a chasing after the wind. In the end two things remain: Fear God, God is the only eternal one whose works are lasting. And then the author writes about how two are better than one for many reasons. They keep each other company, lift each other up, and help to protect each other. In the recent season when I have the fruit of hope, faith, and some labor, I found that this fruit was nice, but it still did not truly satisfy the thing inside that we are all longing for. This thing in is can only be satisfied by God, and turns out also is unlikely to be satisfied on this side of eternity. So we wait on the Lord, and trust him to fill us in that time when we can be face to face!

I couldn’t quite decide if that was depressing or exciting! 

Regardless, I kept talking to Jesus about these things because he alone has the words of life that will give me comfort and guidance in the good times as well as the hard times. And so I asked for him to give me his words to bring clarity and truth into what often seemed chaotic lately. Here are the words that came. They came to me through talks, podcasts, recent church messages, and devotionals that felt particularly meant for me over the past week when I’d heard them. In my prayer, the words floated back through my memory and became highlighted for me. I know they were from the Holy Spirit because they calmed and quieted my spirit and gave me a new sense of encouragement.

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Feathers:  I had been noticing an unusual amount of feathers this season. I’ve noticed them on walks, in the yard, on the trails, and even some pretty unusual colorful ones. I asked God what might the uptick in feather appearances say from his word, and I settled on the Psalm 91 passage that tells me regardless of what things appear, I am safely tucked away, covered under his pinions (feathers) and under his wings I have refuge. Do not fear.

Words: Keep a guard on your mouth. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Take greater care on how I talk (especially to myself) about the circumstances of my life. Don’t grumble about the hard things, or let them have too wide a shadow bringing despair as if they are defining or will never change. Let praise and thanksgiving be the first thing on my voice and remember the amazing works and beautiful things God has brought into my life. Declare peace over my house, blessing and favor over my work, and lift up others around me who are in need of prayer and bring encouragement to everyone I meet.

Joseph: Our pastor has been reviewing the life of Joseph this summer, and there are many things that inspire me about his story. This week was a reminder that though the circumstances of his life looked like betrayal and abandonment by his family, though he was mistreated and wrongly imprisoned, and he might have appeared to be forgotten by God and others in a lonely dark place, the truth we see after the story is finished, is that God was saving him from a self-centered and insignificant life. God was shaping him and his heart, and even the family that betrayed him and abandoned him and stripped him of his favorite son cloak- they were doing him a favor that eventually led to a man of great heart who shared his blessing with the very people who hurt him. A man who was anything but insignificant when his story ended. The challenging things I go through are helping to shape me into someone who can lead with wisdom and compassion and hopefully save me from a self-centered life of insignificance as well. Be thankful for the difficult things and remember God will stay with me in them and help me navigate through. Even in the dark places God was with Joseph. God is also always with me.

Mystery: one of the hard things for me is that I can’t see very far ahead of me at the moment. I’m not sure how some things will settle in and look as the “new normal” finally comes. I also wonder about some of the other dreams of my heart – honestly many of them seems farther away and farther fetched than ever. What on earth am I thinking that some of them could actually come to pass? Yet, I am reminded that I can trust God to write an amazing story even as I can’t see the upcoming chapters very clearly from here. Joseph’s story is also a reminder that we often can’t even imagine how God is able to bring about wild, amazing blessings in a way that is pretty much humanly improbable or likely impossible. I sometimes think this is his favorite thing- amazing us with the miraculous. Living in the mystery that when we follow God… ANYTHING can happen is both exciting and a little terrifying too. Embrace the possibility of the unknown, and trust him to unfold his good things for us in his good time. One year ago I could not have imagined that the worthy prince I was hoping for would be already my husband. Having no likely candidate in a sparsely populated county, giving a timeline from meet to marry in less than a year was a stretch. And yet, I am sitting here looking at that very thing! When God moves on the surface, it usually looks like suddenly because the parts we cannot see had been moving constantly and when it breaks the surface we can be taken by surprise!

These four things are encouraging to me today! To remember to guard my own words and keep my thoughts captive on the things of God as I walk out the seemingly everyday patterns of my world. To know that I’m always under the protection of the good King and that is worth some praise and rejoicing over! To embrace some mystery, knowing that God is writing an amazing story and the surprise twists are part of the fun! To remember the stories such as Joseph’s and how even the hardest challenges can be exactly what we need to walk out a life of purpose and significance in God’s great plans!

Each person has their own struggles and questions. I pray that as you take yours to the father who loves you, that you will get a few words of your own to encourage you to keep walking in the footsteps of faith, hope, and mystery! If you can, share them in the comments!