I read recently that: it’s not about where you live or work, but how and why. 

As a culture it seems we are very concerned with outcomes and results. The process of how and the concerns of why are less important if the desired outcome is achieved. 

Today a situation arose that I found very frustrating. In reflection I realized there were a few of these annoying situations buzzing about in my world and the solutions were not simple or obvious. They all involved people who were not doing what I wanted them to do, and as I ran shorter and shorter on grace, I was growing closer and closer to finding ways to punish them for their non compliance.

We are so good at punishment that most times it seamlessly comes through the system without notice. I think most people don’t even recognize it. When there is a violation, there must be consequences, but can we reliably see the difference between consequences and punishment? One way this can be clarified is to take an honest look at the heart: consequences hope to bring about reconnection after the wounding, punishment bring disconnection. Consequences come from love, punishment comes from “not love” usually along with anger, blame and scorn. 

I’ve had to look into my own heart to find clarity. What I remember today is that I have the freedom to live in the way of honor regardless of the chaos I observe around me. I may not always like my choices, but we are always limited in some way. We always have choices within limits of the reality we exist in.

The frustrating circumstances I find myself in all have options, and each choice will come with a consequence. My responsibility as I go through this life is to choose wisely, hopefully with the influence of the Holy Spirit which will result in walking in patience, kindness, self-control, humility, and love. 

Something I have learned is when I am being tempted to act in punishment and control I am stressed out and not at peace about my decisions. I am usually reacting in anger or hopelessness, I am not sane. When I let go of control of the outcome and know I cannot guarantee a preferable result, I feel sane. My mind clears and I am able to look with curiosity at the situation and consider what choices I have and what their likely consequences are, and which ones I am willing to walk out. 

When my sanity returns, I don’t have a need to inflict punishment on those who are blocking my desired outcome. The process of how I move through this situation becomes more important than where the process takes me. I remember that how and why I do things defines who I am more than where I end up.

I have been enjoying a winter habit as the days are short and the nights long, of watching an older series called Once Upon a Time. It’s a clean, fun show that revolves around fairy tale characters who are cursed by the evil queen who wants to destroy all happy endings. In this curse they all lose the memory of who they are and are taken to a new land which happens to be in modern day Maine. The town is called Storybooke, and here the evil queen rules as the mayor. I’ve made it all the way to season three and still wonder how they’ve kept this charming little series alive so long, but I keep watching, drawn in by the story lines and plot twists. I love the characters. 

Recently a plot line hung on the difference between dark magic and light magic. I am not a magic fan in general, but what I liked in this scenario was the truth that the supernatural exists both for good and for evil. Jesus has supernatural authority over his creation, and his signs and wonders are always enacted, and sometimes not enacted, out of love. We are called to walk in his kingdom of love, and be children of the light. It is also clear that the forces of darkness upon this earth have access to supernatural powers. It is also clear that the powers of darkness, those Satan and demonic forces wield, are lesser than the powers of love and light that Jesus grants authority to.

In the television series, a character who had been practicing dark magic had to transform her heart to use good magic in order to defeat the greatest and most powerful dark character the series had yet seen. By season three there has been a lot of character development, and I love seeing the possibility of redemption, and that the difference between the powers being good or evil resides in the heart. When the previously evil character acted out of love and selflessness, the magic was transformed to good magic and the dark foe defeated. 

It reminded me today that I am capable of making decisions that are intended to punish and create pain or discomfort to those who are standing in my way and making things challenging for me. This is the temptation to walk in darkness. I want to clarify that the things I am talking about here are unquestionably good things I want to accomplish. I run a non-profit children’s music education program and I am trying to make it possible for more kids in more areas around us to have access to learning music. I’m not trying to destroy an ecosystem for profit. I have the best of outcomes in mind, and the place I want to get to is success in creating engaging work for teachers and opportunities for kids to learn creatively, and families and communities to benefit. That is the where I want to be.

The subversive temptation is to lose sight of the how and the why by which I arrive. The overriding truth is that I do not control the where, I also don’t control the when, but I have much control over the how, and the why is entirely up to me. When I step back and come to my senses, I am reminded that who I am is exponentially more important in the long run. In reality, I may not get my way. I might decide to move forward with choices I wish I did not have to make that limit my progress toward this goal. However, if I punish and threaten and manipulate in order to get there, I have lost much much more in the process, and while I may steamroll my plans into place, they will be less stable, and I leave myself open to other weaknesses brought on by the disconnection and distrust I will have sown into the fabric of my success.

In Once Upon a Time we learn that dark magic always comes with a price. Manipulation, punishment and control always comes with a price. When I refuse the temptation to act from the heart of getting my way, and I prioritize a culture of honor and freedom I can walk in peace and freedom. Unfortunately, often I find it’s a slower road to the goal, sometimes the goal even shifts, but it’s a solid road that doesn’t give way underneath me. I have less anxiety because regardless of where I end up, I have confidence in the how and the why of my decisions, and I can stand by them. I have the faith to believe the where will be exactly where I need to be when I need to be there, even if it’s not what I had wanted. Those who walk alongside this path are trustworthy companions who come of their own free will, and I can count on them to share my values above their own self-promotion as well.

I’m thankful for the insight today to realize that I was being drawn toward punishment and control. I already feel less weight to carry knowing I can let go of these options for the ability to make true choices. I can let justice be served in the long run by the one to whom it belongs, and make my choices based as much as possible on connection and love, even in the charge to love my enemies.

My prayer is that I am always corrected when my heart slips over to this way of thinking, that I might take these thoughts captive and hand them over to God in exchange for the grace and courage and strength to choose love.